The end of Kendo

I have been thinking about this for a while, and I have come to the conclusion that I will stop doing kendo. Maybe I will continue it in the future, maybe I won't. But right now, I just can't do it anymore.

It's not the sport. Kendo is a very interesting sport and I did enjoy it. But there are other things that just make me so pissed off every single time I have gone to practise, and that is not nice. There are a few main reasons why I decided to stop practising kendo...

1. I don't feel comfortable with our kendo-group in Jyväskylä. 

I'm on a totally different level with the people I'm practising with, and I really don't have good friends there. It's very unmotivating to go to practise alone, I need someone to go with (or at least I thought so...). I get along with the people but... I just don't get the connection that I would like to get with them.

My boyfriend's kendo-goup is totally the opposite! The people there are GREAT, they are good friends with each other and the practising is fun and laid back. Ok, the practise itself is tough and deadly but you know what I mean... The atmosphere is laid back :D Everytime I practised with them, or just watched them practise, we went after kendo in some bar and had a great time. Last Friday, for example, was AWESOME. My kendo group hasn't gone after kendo in months.... it sucks.

2. Money.

Our kendo association in Jyväskylä is so. fucking. EXPENSIVE. My boyfriend's association is so much cheaper. Also, the teaching methods are much better in Seinäjoki than in Jyväskylä... I don't even remember when our teacher has taught us anything, or even taken part in practise!!! (Ok I haven't practised in Jyväskylä in a month so I don't know if he's practising/teaching again.) It makes me so pissed off that I have to pay a shitload of euros in one year when the teaching methods are not even that great... Also, I'm still very bitter about the Sensei's visit. We had to pay extra for that, even though the annual fees are high. Seinäjoki's association is much cheaper and they could still pay for the Sensei's costs... hmmm. I just wonder where all our money goes...

3. My condition

To be honest, I'm not that healthy atm. I have lost weight, again... It's not good. Last time I checked I weigh 46kg... I'm 171cm tall. It's absolutely terrible. And I feel like an idiot because a week ago I would have had an appointment with a dietician, that I had been waiting for two months because of the enormous queue. What happened? I FORGOT TO GO. I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do now... I feel so embarrassed to call to the nurse and ask for a new appointment 'cos of my own stupidity... Oh well, I have to do it.

AYWAY. Because of my weight problems, I'm very tired all the time. I'm not kidding when I say that I'm awake for 8-9 hours a day, and sleep the rest 15 hours... It should be the opposite. I just can't help it. I can be awake only about 3 hours at the time, then I need a nap. Everything feels so heavy and hard, even though it isn't. It sucks balls, I tell you. My boyfriend is losing his nerves every time I take a nap. I just can't stay awake, and it does make me sad.

I made the BMI test again. It's a test that tells you if you have a depression or not. I got 24 points, which means a medium depression. I have had higher scores, so it's not that bad, but it sucks anyway. 0-10 points means no depression, 11-19 means mild depression, 20-29 points means medium depression and 30+ is a difficult depression.

4. The motivation. Ruined by the things above.

I really thought that I didn't want to do kendo because I have no good friends to do it with here, and I really need someone to force me to go to the practise. On Friday when I went to the practise with my boyfriend, I realised that it was not it. I just don't have the motivation anymore... I could barely do the 30 minutes' warm up, and then I stopped. There were only three words in my mind while practising: Fuck this shit. I felt nauseous and wanted to stop. I just went to the dressing room and changed normal clothes. I was so fed up. And at the same time I was very angry at myself.

Relationship thingies

Your and your boyfriend's names?

Krista and Joni ^^

Cuddling kills my eyebrows XDDD

In what season did you start being together?

Winter

Who suggested having a relationship?

:D I did. Crying and screaming.

For how long have you been together?

A year <3

How many serious relationships have you had before him?

one.

He is:

[x] Dark haired

[ ] Blonde

[ ] Red haired

[ ] Bald

[ ] 150 - 160 cm

[ ] 161 - 170 cm

[x] 171 - 180 cm 

I don't know his actual hight, we are pretty much the same height. I'm 171cm, he's either as tall as me or 1cm shorter.

[ ] 181 - 190 cm

[ ] Taller

Does he have brothers or sisters?

A brother

How often do you see each other?

Every 3 weeks, approx.

He's my Super Meat Boy and I'm his Bandage Girl <3 I made these for us, he has the Super Meat Boy in Seinäjoki, and I have Bandage girl here in JKL :D Some day, they will reunite <3

Have you spent the night together?

duh

What does he call you?

Krista, Derpetta, R-Tard, Buttwipe, Baby, Purrball, Stressball.... :DDDD

Do you go to the movies often?

Sometimes ^^

How about out to dinner?

Very often! But mostly we eat fast food 'cos we are so poor XD But sometimes we go to a bit fancier places ^^

You ages?

22 and 23

What is the longest time you haven't seen each other?

A month

What are his friends like? Are they friends with your friends?

They're cool! I haven't met a friend of his who I wouldn't like ^^ 

oh Hell no XDDDDDDD

For how long do you think your relationship is gonna last?

I hope it lasts forever o_O I'm tired of spending my time with people who I don't have a future with. I honestly think that this will be my last relationship ever.

Are you happy?

No. Not yet. (It's not his fault!! Don't get me wrong :DDD)

What are his hobbies?

Kendo, airsoft, Magic the Gathering, wrestling, painting miniatures, video games...

Do you do sports together?

Kendo! ^^

What would be the best Christmas present for him?

[ ] Perfume

[ ] Satin boxers 

Normal boxers! Not satin @___@

[XXX]Video games

[ ] Something handmade

Did he buy you any Christmas presents last year?

YES <3 A Hello Kitty -painting, Hello Kitty -hat, and a Fruit Ninja -plushie!!! <3

Can he draw?

yes! 

Do you spend more time at his or your place?

his -___-;;

 Are you at the same school?

Not anymore, but we used to be!

Have you met his parents? What do you think of them?

Yes I have. I was very excited to meet his parents. Until I heard that they hate my parents, which means they don't like me either... It made me very upset but I just have to live with it.

Do you have a similar taste in music?

Yes and no :D

What's the most important thing i your relationship?

To have similar future plans.

Do you guys drink?

:D sometimes

Which one of you has a longer last name?

He does.

Is his room messier than yours?

NO XDDDDD

Have you dreamt of a future together?

I guess

XDDDD relaxing evening at home. Don't ask....

If you would have a baby boy and you could decide the name, what would it be?

I have always had this dream about having 3 children. If they're going to be all boys, I would like to name them after the three arch angels: Mikael, Gabriel and Rafael. So, I would pick some of these names.

Have you ever been on a break?

no.

Have your and his father met?

yes. 

You like to spend your time doing:

[ ] Golf

[ ] Sports

[x] Hanging out, just the two of us, doing nothing special.

[x] Spending time on the Internet 

If he died, for how long would it take until you would be ok again?

Let me tell you this: I would be tied up in a straightjacket in a soft room. Now, if you ask me that again, I will kill you.

Do you love him?

yes.

<3

Kubo-sensei in JKL

In March 21-22 we had a Japanese teacher at our kendo practise! I was so. fucking. DEAD after the practise @___@ It was tough :D very. 

Kubo arrived in Jyväskylä on Thursday, and the first practise was in the evening. I was so nervous that I wanted to throw up x___x As I have told, I tend to feel sick during practise very easily, so I kept thinking "How the hell am I going to survive THREE HOUR practise if I'm nearly fainting at the normal 1½-hour training"... Luckily, I stayed alive and was practising the entire time!! I had eaten very well and I drank a lot of water so it was ok. 

On Friday I went to have lunch with the sensei and a couple of kendo-friends. We had lunch at the university and after that Jussi (our kendo coach) decided that Kubo-sensei needs a hair cut XDDDD so uh... yeah. We went to the hair dresser. In the evening we had another practise, which didn't go that well >___< I was having a bad day, and my feet were KILLING ME because of the previous practise... Luckily, after the practise we went to have a very nice dinner to a restaurant called Jalo. The food was amazing @____@ Very lovely. I must go there with my boyfriend some time as well *___* After the dinner, we went to a friend's place to spend the evening, but I was so dead tired that I went home after an hour... x___x

Here is a picture of our kendo-group with the sensei ^^

 

The next two days: pain, pain, PAIN. My feet hurt so much that I couldn't walk properly. Seriously, I looked like a woman who had been raped in the ass.... My god. My boyfriend was laughing his ass off ;___; He's a physiotherapist and a massager, so he took care of my legs. And it hurt even more. I was actually crying when he was "healing" my legs... He put some of this kinesthesic tape in my legs afterwards so my legs looked like this:

 

The practises with Kubo-sensei were painful, but worth it :D 

New layout

wrooooom~

I got this comment where I got some feedback about my blog. It was constructive criticism that I appreciated a lot! This person told me that my blog is a bit hard to read because of the font, and I did agree with him/her! I've been thinking about it myself as well everytime I look at my blog, but I was too lazy to do anything about it 'cos no one ever said anything XD But now I did, thanks to the feedback!

I like my new layout with Pon & Zi but I'm not sure if I made it even messier XDDD The font is better now, in my opinion but I'm not sure if the picture with text makes everything messy? What do you guys think?? Please let me know if it disturbs your reading >__< I don't want people's eyes to suffer while they read my posts XDDD

hahahahaha, this picture reminds me of me and my boyfriend XD This is so like us <3

 Ok, I should get ready. I need to go to the post office and after that: KENDO-PRACTISE <3 yaaay.

Jigeiko

I was watching my boyfriend's kendo practise yesterday and I decided to take and share a few pictures of his jigeiko (a battle) with his trainer. Enjoy!

mmmmm, look at my baby fight *-* <3 (He is the one without the white text in his hakama (=the "skirt" trousers XD))

I could have practised myself as well, but I decided not to 'cos I didn't have my own shinai and hakama with me. Since I bought my own geer I don't want to borrow stuff from anyone anymore :DDD What a lame reason not to practise... -_____-;; 

I really need to step it up with kendo, starting on Monday!!! >8( I have to take a lot of water and small snacks to the practise so I can eat them when I start to feel sick (I know I will). That's why I haven't been practising in two weeks 'cos I start to feel nauseous during hard training. Because of my under weight. Argh. So... munching time for Krista at the practise!! \o/ Usually it's not allowed to bring foog or drinks to the practising area, but my trainer knows about my condition so he has let me to do what I want with them. Which is very fair I think. Not sure what other people think about it but I really can't help it. I feel very embarrassed and annoyed about it as well...

After the practice we had After Kendo at some local bar. We had so much fun! I finally got to meet one of Joni's best friends which was very nice 'cos I have heard so much about him! And his training buddies are very funny and nice as well! What an awesome evening that was ^^

Krista a.k.a. Derpetta

....seems like my boyfriend was stalking my pictures today on FaceBook and decided to have some fun with one of them -________-;;

 

...ok, I lol'd as well XDDDDDDDDD It's so true, I'm a real Derpetta. I looove Rage Comics and I can relate to them very often XD aaand I can be a bit of a retard sometimes. lol. 

In this picture I'm wearing my keiko-gi and hakama. I started kendo last autumn! I like the sport, but during the last weeks I haven't been so motivated to do kendo :< I start to feel nauseous and dizzy very easily while doing sports and I can practise only half of the time every time... That's why I'm pretty embarrassed to go to the practise which makes me sad. And today I didn't go to the practise at all. I really need to gain weight, goddammit. bleh.. And there is a Japanese sensei coming to Finland, but I'm not sure if I'm going to take part to it >___< My boyfriend is pretty excited about it (he does kendo as well, but in Seinäjoki 'cos we don't live in the same city), he's gonna have Kubo-sensei's practise this Friday!